If we genuinely want to understand hearing loss, we need to understand both the physical side, which makes hearing progressively more difficult, and the psychological side, which includes the lesser-known emotional reactions to the loss of hearing. Together, the two sides of hearing loss can wreak havoc on a person’s total well being, as the physical reality produces the loss and the psychological reality prevents people from dealing with it.
The statistics tell the tale. Even though almost all cases of hearing loss are physically treatable, only around 20% of individuals who would benefit from hearing aids make use of them. And even among those who do seek help, it takes an average of 5 to 7 years before they schedule a hearing test.
How can we explain the considerable discrepancy between the possibility for better hearing and the wide-spread resistance to achieve it? The first step is to appreciate that hearing loss is in fact a “loss,” in the sense that something invaluable has been taken away and is ostensibly lost forever. The second step is to figure out how people typically respond to losing something valuable, which, by way of the scholarship of the Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, we now understand exceptionally well.
Elizabeth Kübler-Ross’ 5 stages of grief
Kübler-Ross identified 5 stages of grief that everyone dealing with loss seems to go through (in surprisingly consistent ways), although not everyone does so in the same order or in the same amount of time.
Here are the stages:
- Denial – the individual buffers the emotional shock by denying the loss and contemplating a false, preferable reality.
- Anger – the individual acknowledges the loss but becomes angry that it has happened to them.
- Bargaining – the individual reacts to the feeling of helplessness by attempting to take back control through bargaining.
- Depression – comprehending the weight of the loss, the individual becomes saddened at the hopelessness of the situation.
- Acceptance – in the last stage, the individual accepts the circumstance and presents a more stable set of emotions. The rationality associated with this stage leads to productive problem solving and the restoring of control over emotions and actions.
People with hearing loss progress through the stages at different rates, with some never getting to the final stage of acceptance — hence the discrepancy between the possibility for better hearing and the low numbers of people who actually seek help, or that otherwise wait several years before doing so.
Progressing through the stages of hearing loss
The first stage of grief is the hardest to escape for those with hearing loss. Because hearing loss advances slowly as time passes, it can be very hard to detect. People also have the tendency to compensate for hearing loss by turning up the TV volume, for instance, or by forcing people to repeat themselves. Those with hearing loss can remain in the denial stage for years, saying things like “I can hear just fine” or “I hear what I want to.”
The next stage, the anger stage, can manifest itself as a form of projection. You may hear those with hearing loss state that everyone else mumbles, as if the issue is with everyone else rather than with them. People persist in the anger stage until they realize that the problem is in fact with them, and not with others, at which point they may transition on to the bargaining stage.
Bargaining is a form of intellectualization that can take various forms. For example, people with hearing loss might compare their condition to others by thinking, “My hearing has gotten a lot worse, but at least my health is good. I really shouldn’t complain, other people my age are coping with genuine problems.” You might also come across those with hearing loss devaluing their problem by thinking, “So I can’t hear as well as I used to. It’s just part of aging, no big deal.”
After passing through these first three stages of denial, anger, and bargaining, those with hearing loss may head into a stage of depression — under the false presumption that there is no hope for treatment. They may remain in the depression stage for a while until they recognize that hearing loss can be treated, at which point they can enter the last stage: the acceptance stage.
The acceptance stage for hearing loss is surprisingly evasive. If only 20% of those who can benefit from hearing aids actually wear them, that means 80% of those with hearing loss never get to the final stage of acceptance (or they’ve arived at the acceptance stage but for other reasons choose not to act). In the acceptance stage, people acknowledge their hearing loss but take action to restore it, to the best of their ability.
This is the one positive side to hearing loss: as opposed to other forms of loss, hearing loss is partly recoverable, making the acceptance stage much easier to reach. Thanks to major improvements in digital hearing aid technology, people can in fact enhance their hearing enough to communicate and engage normally in daily activities — without the stress and frustration of impaired hearing — permitting them to reconnect to the people and activities that give their life the most value.
Which stage are you in?
In the case of hearing loss, following the crowd is going to get you into some trouble. While 80% of those with hearing loss are trapped somewhere along the first four stages of grief — struggling to hear, harming relationships, and making excuses — the other 20% have accepted their hearing loss, taken action to enhance it, and rediscovered the joys of sound.
Which group will you join?